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Self Love and Healthy Boundaries with Terri Cole

As women, we’re programmed to be caretakers, so much so that many of us put others’ needs way above our own, running ourselves ragged to make everyone around us happy. But when we’re stretched so thin, how are we supposed to take care of ourselves?

Licensed psychotherapist and love and relationship expert Terri Cole calls this phenomenon the “disease to please.” Her passion is helping women set boundaries and live more authentically so that they can find and receive love.

The “disease to please” is something I can definitely relate to: I was always the straight-A student, the overachiever, the firstborn who went off to college at NYU…At a certain point, after years of overextending myself, I had to figure out how to set boundaries in a healthy way so that I could feel more whole—and not like I was prioritizing everyone else’s needs above my own. Putting yourself first isn’t an easy thing, but it also helps friends, family and, yes, romantic partners to know the real you and what you stand for.

I recently sat down with Terri to chat about opening yourself up to living a more fulfilled life, and how to practice self-care, self-acceptance, compassion and self love. I hope you’ll be inspired to celebrate yourself after watching the video.

And, if you want to dive deeper and have your own Real Love Revolution, check out Terri’s full course here!

 
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12 Comments

  • Danielle

    Very interesting and great information. In an easy to understand format. Something everyone can relate to. Reminds me of the teaching of Abraham Hicks. Talking about how taking care of yourself is not selfish but important.

  • Jill

    Love this, Gen!

  • Jess

    Hi Gen, I loved this video and am very excited to read her books and join her module. I love the 5 pillars and think it is so important. This year I’ve been reading so much about self awareness, esteem and building confidence. This is right in line with my life. Thank you so much for sharing and know you are really making a difference in a positive way with your site!! THANK YOU!!! Much love 🙂 Jess

  • Charlotte Paul

    Thank you so much for bringing this! up! RIiight now I am in a position where I have to deal with the putfall of putting myself too much in the backgrpund for too long! Though being what others call me rather intelligent, vastly educated and analytic concernig others in my strive to be a good mom-wife-worker I lost focus of my desires and needs as far as nearly losing myself! But this is my forte, my speciality, my strenth and my support: being myself!
    So thanks for the advice, it helps a lot of taking the reigns back!

  • Cindy

    Nice video! Will check out Terri’s course soon if I can afford it. Sounds like she has some very useful information.

  • Rebecca

    Thank you so very much for this video. I found it to be pretty informative and super helpful to start getting in the right direction for taking care of ME!! I’m super duper guilty of trying everything in my power to make everyone and everything around me perfect and happy. I never stopped to think about myself because I always felt as if it was extremely selfish of me to do so (which in turn feeds into depression!). It’s a vicious cycle that needs to be broken somehow and your blog is pointing me and I’m sure many others in the right direction…for that I thank you 😊. Keep it up beautiful, you’re doing fantastic!! 💜

  • Elena

    I hit my wall when I was diagnosed with Lupus last year. Being the yes and people pleaser was making me worse. I crave genuine friendship But never really have ever had it. I just want to be myself whoever that is and be accepted.

  • Patry

    Hi Gen.
    Thank you very much for share this conversation. It makes me think a lot about everything I do and I discover that I never think about my own needs and that I must do it to have a healthy relationships with others and with myself.
    I’m really thankful for your post. Thank you very very much. It maybe makes me work hardest and help me keep fighting against my anxiety, Posttraumatic Stress disorder and my depression.
    So… Thanks for this sunshine words.
    #Love

  • Jennifer

    I like how clarifying this message is for us women. I never thought about it like this before but it makes so much sense. I feel “obligated” to take care of everyone and I often feel “shame” or “guilt” when I place boundaries and take care of myself. I think it’s true that society teaches women that we are only good if we place everyone else’s need above our own. I couldn’t understand why I felt exactly I felt bad everytime I stood up for myself or said “no” and this answered it perfectly. It’s because on a subconscious level, I feel a responsibility for everyone around me. That’s false. I am not responsbility for those around me. I am not responsible for anyone but myself. I’m happy to help. But I should not feel any negative emotions for placing my needs over another’s. I’m not talking about being selfish. I’m talking about self care.

  • Jordy

    Loved this casual chat, and the other one as well. Keep up the great content!

  • MaryAnn Radford

    Very eye opening, I needed this today

  • Klaudia

    I absolutely needed this, thank you for the video!

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